he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
