My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
