By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
