You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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