I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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