im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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