Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
