I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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