And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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