I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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