i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
