We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
whose ass print is on the piano?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
