A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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