so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
