Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
