that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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