She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
