thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
two words...techno handjob
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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