I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You ruined the universe
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
