You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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