I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
