just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
