im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
