i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
