I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
