Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
