Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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