It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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