turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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