We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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