Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
