i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I think my fart just growled at me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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