Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
