Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
