Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
