I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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