Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
