Just fell off a train. Bad.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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