you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
