I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize