I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
The Olympian is in my bed
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
