the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
