a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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