Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
