my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
