"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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