My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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