I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
