....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize