Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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