3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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