I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
