I will die if light touches me.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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