i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The ass gains better be worth it
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