I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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