I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
