hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
