My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
