Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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