i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
