so that wasnt chicken after all
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
