i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
