Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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