It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
