I only kidnapped one of them. chill
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
