ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
